Now we were pregnant! Finally! I started the pregnant diet. Gave up soda, sushi, set my first appointment. Which I forgot about and cancelled yesterday. Why?
Monday August 20th 3:00 am: I woke up in PAIN. By 5 my getting in and out of bed had Matt up wondering what was wrong with me... gave me a blessing.. checked my symptoms online (it sounded like appendicitis), called my mom (cell phones are a wonderful blessing at times like this, and knowing my mom was likely up certainly made calling Doctor Mom easier) and went to the ER at the University of Utah Hospital. I was hunched over... almost bent in half... walking to the car. We took the short drive to the hospital, (a blessing we lived soo close) got out of the car and walked in. I was furious to discover my pain was no longer as agonizing as it was. I'm at the ER and I feel a little better! AUGH! I filled out the paperwork while Matt parks the car ....yes, I thought of Brian Regan... (Pain is ongoing... I realize this is just your job and you aren't the one who decided I had to fill this out, but seriously people! You want to know my name and address? Is that really necessary right now? Brian Regan began to play in my head.) Any health conditions? "I'm pregnant and overweight." For some reason being deaf didn't enter my mind for that list. (Matt mentioned this to most people who spoke to me at the hospital because I rarely understood anyone the first time they spoke.) We're escorted to a room with a narrow bed, TV and a curtain separating us from being seen by any staff that may be in line of sight. IV goes in my left arm ... at least I thought it was just an IV... it had morphine. Morphine... going straight to my veins. I thought they were just making sure I was hydrated. Therefore I was very annoyed that my pain was gone and I was in an expensive ER. Time to go home. We can't afford this.
In comes a nurse/intern/I-don't-remember-what-he-said-he-was comes in with a computer on wheels. Name, address, (Can't you get that from the last 2 people I gave it to?) religion, allergies.. and then comes the Brian Regan bit. "How would you rate your pain on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst pain you've ever experienced?" When I decided to come to the ER I was a high 8 low 9. I had no problem with 9. Couldn't say 10... not a broken femur :) However, now that my pain was gone... unless the nurse was poking around "Does this hurt?" ... I felt FINE! "I was an 8, but now unless you poke me I'm a 0!" Matt decided after the nurse left with that answer in the computer was a good time to tell me I was on morphine. ....for some reason I couldn't deduce that they had given me something for the pain....
They drew blood a couple times, then asked for a urine sample. I discover I'm bleeding. Forget the urine sample. I opened the door "I'm bleeding!" The nurses don't seem worried, but they don't care about the urine sample anymore, Matt covers his mouth in worry. Time for an ultrasound on the belly AND the stupid pelvic one. Painful when your symptoms mimic appendicitis. They did an ultrasound and left us there to wait for what a doctor thinks of the images. I thought the images looked grey with some black spots. Apparently the black spots were ovaries. Ok, well, they're there. That's good. I'm only 4 weeks along so you aren't going to see an embryo anywhere, maybe they'll see some clues for appendicitis? We wait for 10 minutes. A doctor comes in and looks again. What does he say before he sends us back to our room? "Best of luck to you." We both over analyzed that. The way he said it was like "I don't know what to say to you." Why doesn't he say "have a good day" or something? Luck? Something must be wrong.
We sit in the room for a little while before nurse comes in to tell us what happened. Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy. My vitals are normal so I'm not bleeding to death, but they need to look in there, maybe they can save the Fallopian Tube.. maybe not. Either way, they gotta get all that blood out. One nurse said "it was never a viable pregnancy." Oh how I wanted to say "shut up", but I just said "ok" and he left. Matt and I had a cry. Then in two nurses come again to repeat the risks of the surgery because they have to. 3 incisions. Belly button. Left ovary, right ovary.
Blink. Blink.... 2:15. Wow. Is it really 2:15? A nurse gives me ice cubes. Sooo good. A tube was down my throat and so any hopes of not having a sore throat are gone. My throat was sore until Tuesday. Not bad. Ice cubes are good :)
I'm out of it. Apparently I'm on a few pain killers. I feel groggy. Matt and Dad are there to greet me when the bed I'm in is wheeled to a room. I remember talking to them, but no idea what we talked about. I do remember them telling me they couldn't save the tube, so we have a 20% less chance of getting pregnant, and they took out 200-300 mL of of bleeding from the rupture. Apparently my body will think it's pregnant for several weeks, and I can't lift more than 10 lbs until September 17th. (May I say, today is the 27th of August. I haven't taken any pain killers today. Not even ibuprofen. I feel much better so I'm annoyed by this rule. I'm sure anyone who's had a C-section can sympathize with my thought of 'my arms work fine!' ... I know that's not the point, but that's what goes thru the mind.)
Anyway, "You can go home soon as you can get up and walk to the bathroom." I drink and drink and drink. We go home a little after 6 :) Matt's parents picked up my prescriptions and gave them to us at the hospital so we had no stops to make. Just go home. (Matt's mom was amazed last week to see that I could walk and function normal on percocet. Apparently it's a doozy drug, but the only thing I noticed was that when I read my scriptures some of the letters changed occasionally. A blessing! I'd hate it if no pain also meant no functioning.)
Matt helps me get in the car. He helps me get out back at the court. A neighbor sees me walking weakly and takes my other arm helping me to the door. He's a chef supervising several hospital cafeterias, including the U. He says he'll bring dinner on Wednesday. Mmmm! It was goood!
Inside I collapse.. slowly... and gently.... to the couch that is big and soft. A free couch from a family that moved out of the 1400 court months ago. I look at the damage. Bruises on the right and left side, and more little wounds from where they tried IVs on my belly. No idea where they found success.
I sleep on the couch. Matt slept on the floor next to me. He woke me up at 3am to take medication, then I went back to sleep. I slept for most of Tuesday, with my dear honey rushing to my side whenever a groan escaped my lips. My visiting teacher came over and braided my hair, brought dinner, talked (talking was especially nice as silence left me trapped in my head which was a emotional roller coaster.) Lynell and Jonathan came over and gave us cookies, a scarf, a new game to try, and a promise of dinner. Chili's. Mmmmm! Grant and Steph came by and made me laugh plenty. Laughing hurt, but still the best medicine!
I planned on going to work Wednesday, but my caring husband turned off my alarm clock to ensure I'd sleep. My mom came and took care of dishes and laundry. We walked around the court, well, Matt walked, I shuffled. Our neighbor chef gave us his specially made cooking as we walked back to the apartment. Watched a lot of Doctor Who.
I went to work Thursday. Full day! A get well card was on my desk signed by everyone at the archives and everyone that saw me was wondering why I was there. I was in pain after work, which caused Matt to pick me up early Friday so I put in 6 hours instead of 8. He's so sweet. He worries so much about me. He says he's never seen such a stubborn side of me. I say it's not stubborn. It's Hibbert toughness! If I can sit on the couch and watch Doctor Who and call that recovery, I can sit in a chair at work and look at microfilm. It's seriously a low stress job.
I am grateful I was only 4 weeks along. I can't imagine losing a pregnancy after having felt the baby kick. A week later I have resumed the life I had the previous week (minus the 10lbs limit). I am grateful to have such a caring husband who looks out for my health better than I do apparently :) I am grateful for friends and family who immediately offer assistance to help in recovery. The Relief Society President found out from my visiting teacher, and it was cool to tell her we didn't need meals because between good neighbors, good friends, good family... we couldn't think of anything we needed. Everything took care of itself then night we got home. I am so thankful for our calling. I have met amazing patients at the hospital. People who were stuck at the hospital for weeks, and just wanted to go home. Frustrated, but unshaken in their faith in Christ. We met a woman who had brain surgery. She bore testimony of the Atonement that no one in the room could doubt she was speaking the truth. I am thankful for the way my parents raised me. To endure, be tough, and never let anything shake your faith in Christ. I don't feel that God has taken anything from us. I don't feel like we're being punished for anything. It's a trial. Life if full of them and they are what make us grow. Elder Holland said we all must take a few steps to Calvary, endure a few moments in Gethsemane. Though I find myself crying occasionally (I blame hormones because I don't want to admit I'm not done crying about this) it is not because I have lost anything. We will have a family. I don't doubt it.
